Posted by Meg Shehad on

Living in the Garden, photo by Mary Ellen

We see a black man being killed before us. We feel bad. What can we do? Usually the answer is nothing as it has nothing to do with us, but this time, it was different. The black man became every man and the cry went out that this is wrong and this must stop. The fact that people are dying at the hands of those who are here to protect us is too real.

We took to the streets to protest and many policemen joined the protest. Wrong is wrong. You cannot say that all policemen are bad or that they are all good. We cannot say that about ourselves either. No one is all good or all bad. We are all a combination of qualities, strengths and weaknesses, positives and negatives. 

Most of us are racist. It's not out of we hate, or want to do bad things to people different than us; but the fact is we live in a racist culture; and without notice, it rubs off. Just as most of us are sexist because we live in a world that is sexist.

It is strange that we are not aware that it rubs off. When teachers were shown that they tended to answer guy questions before girls', they all said that they were not sexist. It was not conscious, but the video tapes showed that they were sexist. Guys were given preference.

Why do we live in a culture that seems to approve or disapprove by color of skin, sexual orientation, socioeconomic placement, educational levels, and money in the bank? Why can't we just be people? Something happened to us a long time ago; we got shamed. We were made to feel that something was wrong with us and there was nothing we could do about it.

Why would shaming us be so important? We live in a free will zone where we have the right to decide. If I can control the way you think, then I can control your vote in this free will zone. I can gain power. Shaming allows you to feel powerless and hopeless and be far more willing to give up your vote.  Shame has a way of making you feel there is something not right about yourself but the horrible thing is you don't know where it is or how to fix it. 

So we got the idea that if we're punished, that it would make us better. Well it does not. What happens is you create strategies to avoid punishment. We have a president that is a master at this. Deny, lie, and counter attack; are some of the best ways to avoid punishment. Never admit wrong doing, and attack the accusing person of doing the same thing or worse if you can. If caught, lie. This confuses the issue, and there are always some that will buy the lie. The cardinal rule is never take responsibility. 

We live in a culture that avoids responsibility because we see that they are the ones that get punished. Who wants that? We want to stay good or at least give the appearance of good. This divides us into bad guys and good guys. As we said before; there is no such thing, just shades of gray. Who determines what is good any way? Authority figures or you? So now we see how skin color can make a difference. Black skin is less than, while white skin is better. See how that works? We just got caught in this horrible game and we did not know that we were even playing. It all goes unconscious, and just rubs off. 

How do we get rid of the shame? This takes some serious self examination. It is impossible to live in a racially biased world and not be biased. Spike Lee did a great movie, Do The Right Thing, where he showed that within the black culture that lighter dark skin was better than blacker skin. If you see a problem out there, you have a piece of it. Instead of punishing yourself or denying it, work with it. Get that it is there. Take a look at things that you deplore and hate, as they can have a place within you and you can be the very thing that you hate. 

Essential oils can help

I spent a while in search of my shame. I did therapy, self-improvement, meditation, and worked with oils and homeopathy. They all helped. I found that right below the heart just at the diaphragm  is where shame loges itself. Heart and breath work are also helpful because of this. 

We have a course online, Clearing Guilt and Shame that is also helpful and it has a study guide. The primary shame oil is Calamus Root. There are many others that support shame work:

Oil to clear guilt is Tuberose Absolute or Fragrance

Oil to release failure is Erigeron

Oils to release blame are Allspice, Hyssop, Juniper Berry, Myrrh, Neroli, and Rue

Oils that release victimization are Peru Balsam, Juniper Berry, Garlic, Onion, Parsley, Turmeric, Yarrrow

Oils that release perfectionism are Clary Sage, Gurjum, and Lemon Petitgrain

Oils that release inferior/superior are Coriander, Orange Bergamot and Peppermint

This is some of the best work you will ever do. It truly changes your life for the better. 



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